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Sunday, September 13, 2015

This Sunday with Nigeria's former first lady, Dame Patience Jonathan. The telephone conversation

Alooohhhh… Jebose my pesin. How far nah Aaah, my baby, d only madam Pey Pey… I be tink say you no go hola again o. we don tire to dey wait for your call… whats up nah God scatter your head. Who be your baby, wetin be dat up wey you jus yarn nah nah Madam, I wan yarn like Yankee nah… Na so we dey take yarn: Whats up I beg I dey down for Otueke. I nor see anytins for up Madam u happy this morning o. wetin dey sweet your bele Oloshi, na everyday you wan make I dey provoke?
No ma… as u dey yarn so dey sweet me sha. But shey you win baba Ijebu Naira lotto because his ya happiness be as e get Tonda faya you. You too put your nose for wetin no konsan u. You no like to see me happy?. Anyhow sha, na my Jonathan gimme some some last nite Hmmmm… Eyyaaaahhhh…..Madam Peeeeeeace

Yes o…My husban nak my head for pillow till dis morning o… we no rush… You see, e better sef wey una drive us comot for Aso rock. Dat na d benefis wey I dey enjoi for Otueke. My husban no dey rush rush again Ah, madam, too much information o Gerrout, foolish boy. Nor be you aks me sey why I happy? Yes ma, but I no say make u yarn everything nah. Anyways, u get liver sha Shut up. Make I no enjoy my husban?. You dey jealous?

Madam, body dey pepper me small small Sha!. Daleru. Alakoba pesin. Make bodi pain you from Onicha Ugbo reach Otueke, e no konsan me. Jonathan na my own Okay ma. Ehen, Madam O. my friend, Chris Kehinde Nwandu, say him dey miss you die. Na wetin make am talk like dat Heheeee!!! So You sabi dat foolish boy?. Dat boy wey no sabi who born am. Na only him get yeye difference names from all d tribalism for Nigeria. Him say him be Kiristofer, come join Kehinde and carry akpuruka Nwandu join join everything. The foolish tatafo forfacebuku. How die pesin go fit miss me. So na dat kain pesin be your friend?. I sorri for u… U no dey get better friends wey go fit helep your life, see Basket Mouth and Ali Baba, and now dis Kehinde pikin wey say him dey miss me. Efulefu peeples na im una be… tell am say I nor be im mama, make he no miss me…

Madam, shebi u say u no go provoke, but you don dey viberate too much now. Shut up. God punish you. Not o you aks me useless kweshion… You wan make I quench dis fone for your ear? Haba ma, okay make we Kontinu, Madam, why e be say since your husband no be President again, him never get anoda work… Him don dey unemployed since o
 
“Devu. I reject you in d name of Jesus. Na your papa no get work. My Jonathan don retirement. Pesin wey retire dey collect penshon…Hia, Dame, I jus dey wonder, so I say make I aks kweshion na
Foolish pikin. You no dey fear. You dey talk say my husband no get work. My husband na graduate… him no wan work again. I don tell am make him no work Okay ma. Dem say una go vacation for Kenya, come chatter two private jet wey carry una family from Otueke to Mombasa, I jus wan know where una get the momey from to chatter plane since una no dey work again, and wetin una go do for Kenya Wetin konsan you?. Gbeborun. We go mpotor park for Kenya to see Lyons and animas o… we go holiday… dats all I go tell u, Oloriburuku pikin Ehen, dem say you still never comot d foto of Oga Jonathan for your hotel wey dey near Otueke. D foto na when him be President but now, baba Buhari don corner market na Your fada Jebose, Na who tell u say my husband no be president. Because una drive am comot for market no mean say him no be my president. Oloshi. Oya come remove the fotos nah make you see if you go fit reach Agbor. Well, I no feel you today, make I waka….
***Have a great week

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